that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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