Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He did a backflip because drugs
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