direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
