hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
