Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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