Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
