i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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