You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
