We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
