i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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