i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
