fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
