any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
