You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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