Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
