So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
