i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
