I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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