It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
