I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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