remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize