All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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