hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
