if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
