she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
