His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
