Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
