There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is it penis luge time yet?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
