When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I will be naked everywhere
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
