So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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