not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
