Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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