also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
