How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
