I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
