My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
