Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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