getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
