you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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