Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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