First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
