Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
