can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
