Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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