shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
