it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
