Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
