It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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