I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
