the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
