I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
