those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
