Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
