i permit you to call me
nutella sex= disaster
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
