I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
