bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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