dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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