Sry I called you an 8
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
