u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
