I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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