guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
