and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
