I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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