he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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