good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
