sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I heard we made out
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
