Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
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My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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