Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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