she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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