I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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