You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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