Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
